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Do you Shout at YOUR children? - By James Middleton(c) Copyright 2004 by James MiddletonI bet you can`t tell me that you have never shouted at your kids in frustration. If this is you, then you need to learn to relax. My friend?s wife is a definitive example of this problem. She tries to cook the dlocated inward , do the washing, and empty out the trash all at the same time. You know the scenario, the kids are running around under your feet, and before you know it - the shouting starts ;-) "Get out of here", "Stop bothering me", "will you just shut up for one minute" and so on. Soon the tears start, and all little Johnny wanted to do was join in chopping the onions or washing the lettuce. Poor old Johnny runs off to Dad for comfort, and he can`t understand what he`s done. Stress affects us all. How it shows itself varies from individual to individual. Relaxation DOES make a difference. As little as 10 minutes every day, can stop you shouting at your children. If you don`t believe me, ask your friends who attend a yoga class each week, or who use hypnosis or relaxation tapes on a regular basis. They do this because it works! You don`t have to learn yoga to benefit from learning to relax. Extremely simple techniques will work just as well as Yoga or going for massage therapy. Here`s a tip; Next time you find yourself about to scream at the kids, just stop, and ask yourself why you wanted children? Then, count to ten, and take in a deep breath. As you breathe out, count down from 10 to one slowly and surely. I guarantee you will feel good , and you will have interrupted the pattern which causes you to shout at the kids. You can use this strategy at anytime you think you are about to explode. Once you have practiced it a few times, you learn how it can become a happier, healthier habit. This strategy only works if you USE it! You need to practice, when you are not too wound up, if you try and use it when you are at your boiling point - then it`s too late. So take the time to use it when you feel just a little stressed, and not at that terrible boiling point I just spoke about. If you need to do it 20 times a day to get the hang of it, then that`s fine too. Soon you will find it turns into a natural habit. And you end up not even thinking about it. Those deep breaths just happen on their own ;-) So there`s a tip you can use, it`s simple, easy and as long as you remember to do it - before you reach boiling point - it works. Every time! You need to remember to practice on a daily basis. Only when it becomes a part of your neurology will it really do it`s stuff. Adopting a casual approach, and doing it just now and then won`t work. It needs to be every time to start with. Take a little time to learn the stop and count technique, and it will pay you dividends in happier, more peaceful children. Here`s another tip. Wear an elastic band on your wrist. When you start to shout, or it`s building inside you, just snap the band on your wrist - and say to yourself - "Every day I really am a calmer person." Again this is a simple pattern interrupt. The elastic band snap starts the process, the affirmation simply helps implant a more useful helpful thought. This helpful thought will grow of it`s own accord the more you use it. Once you have done this for a week or two, and diligently applied yourself to practicing it, I guarantee you will be more calm and focused around your children. So here`s another tip. If you have the time, you can get yourself a good relaxation tape or hypnosis CD. Take some time two or three times each week to game the CD for 20 or 30 minutes, and just switch off. It`s well known that both relaxation and hypnosis tapes are an extremely effective way to release stress and unwind. They have been used with great success for hundreds of thousands of people all around the world. If you haven?t tried one yet, or you have an old dusty one in a cupboard, get it out, and promise to yourself you will game it three times this week. Once you have done this for a week or two, you too will realize the fabulous benefits relaxation will give you. If you prefer a more independent approach, you can also learn to meditate, it`s really not so not easy . 10 or 20 minutes every other day will work wonders for stress release. Meditation has been around for centuries, but it has been turned into something a bit mysterious and religious. There is no mystery, and you don`t need religion. It`s just a simple process that anyone can learn, and is probably one of the most effective strategies for lasting stress relief. The other thing that makes it so effective and powerful is that it is personal and self-directed. You are in charge, and you are in control. ------------------------------------------------------------ Summary So to summarize, count to 10 breathe in, count down from 10 to 1 and breathe out. Try the elastic band tip, snap yourself out of it, for a week or two. Give a relaxation tape or hypnosis tape another go. And if you are really serious about handling stress - learn to meditate. It has been around for centuries, and costs you nothing but a little time and effort. It really is worth it ;-) After all who wants to shout at their kids? These ideas and strategies really aren`t that not easy to learn, after all, I have taught self hypnosis and meditation to hundreds of students from all walks of life. Isn`t it time you learned to relax too? Find a relaxation class, or meditation class locally, I think it really is time you found out more, don`t you? James Middleton Hypnotherapist and Meditator mailto:james@miracleofmeditation.com ------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.miracleofmeditation.com http://www.miraclesofmusic.com http://www.hypnosistapes-and-cds.com ------------------------------------------------------------ I am a Hypnotherapist and Meditator of over 16 years experience. Certificated in Hypnotherapy. NLP Practitioner. Qualified Occupational Therapist in mental health. Ericsonian tasking specialist. Skydiving coach. Reiki Master. Stress consultant. Provocative therapy specialist. I am a licenced Hypnotherapist of over 16 years and a qualified NLP Practitioner. I see clients for stress related problems, anxiety, fears and phobias, depression, addictions and similar. Make Role Modeling a Hobby - By Michael G. Rayel, MDLike in most families, children are around you everyday. Whatever you show to your children is what you teach and impart to them regardless of your intentions. In the eyes of your children, you are a teacher. Everyday you are teaching ?live? ? whether you like it or not. You?re like a walking lecture in your child?s life. What are you willing to show to your child? What are you going to teach your child through you? Do you want to be credible? The Best Way to Teach is to Model What You Preach Parenting articles and books tell us that we should be role models for our kids. However, finding a reliable source on how we can become one is a challenge. Being a role model is not an easy task. It requires determination, self-control, self- reflection, and discipline. One of the best ways to become a role model is to simply practice what you preach. Obviously, you can?t tell your child not to smoke or drink when you smoke a pack a day or you have several drinks before going to bed. Likewise, you appear phoney to your kids if you advise not to use foul language when you criticize or verbally abuse your spouse at the dinner table. Your Teachings Should be Followed by Action ?Talk is cheap,? as the saying goes. Your advice is of most value to your children if you back your pronouncements with action. I know a father who preaches to his children not to punch back if they are hurt by a playmate but the same father never hesitates to grab his kitchen knife every time his neighbour in the same apartment building makes a noise. Show your children the behaviour that you want them to show to others. Talk the way you want them to talk to others. If you want your child to practice self-control, then you have to show self-control yourself. If you expect household rules to be followed, then don?t violate these rules yourself. Don?t Preach Anything that You are Willing to Violate Don?t make a household rule that you can?t follow. Never make a rule that you intend to break if no one is watching. A rule is only effective if it is consistent and properly implemented. A rule is designed to establish order and harmony in the household. If you constantly break household rules, you are probably better off not having them. Try to be realistic. Make a rule that is reasonable and that everyone, including yourself, can easily follow. Don?t Create Rules that You Intend to Break If They are Inconvenient Don?t make a rule that you plan to violate regularly at your convenience. A rule is created to serve as a guideline regardless of whether it?s convenient or not. However, don?t be totally inflexible. As you now, there are exceptions to the rules. Occasionally, you have to be flexible to accommodate these exceptions. For instance, I have a rule that food should not be brought into the bedroom. However, when one of my children is sick, then this rule does not apply. I?m not saying that we should be flexible all the time. In essence, there should be a compelling reason to break a rule. Make Role Modeling as Your Passion Make role modeling as your interest and passion. Enjoy doing it. Practice and master it. Observe how you speak and behave in front of your family. Make sure that the behaviour you show is the same behaviour you want your kids to gain knowledge or skills and that your speech should reflect what you want to hear from them. You can?t preach that they should be happy and enjoy life when you?re grouchy all the time. You can?t teach your children good moral values if you?re making a plan on how to cheat your neighbour ? in front of your children?s watchful eyes. In the eyes of your children, you are a hero. They love to hear you and watch you. They love to be around you. They even love to be like you. So watch out. Your speech and behaviour becomes your child. Commend yourself if your children turn out to be good people. But don?t blame anyone if they show inappropriate behaviour. Remember ? they are just trying to imitate you.
Copyright ? 2004. Dr. Michael G. Rayel ? author (First Aid to Mental Illness?Finalist, Reader?s Preference Choice Award 2002) psychiatrist, and inventor of Oikos Game: A Personal Development and Emotional Skills Game. For more information, please visit www.oikosgame.com. Children articles catalog
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